Home is...Where?

What an amazing weekend! I haven't had that much fun, or worked that hard, or taught that fast, or cried that much, or felt so at home...in a while. I think this may have been the first time I've ever felt like I was really "at home" in so many places where I do not live. It was very strange how that worked. Staying at Stef's, on the floor, on a pool floatie, with the cat that made me sneeze, I was at home. At Jamie's parents' house, with her brother and sister criticizing my eating habits, watching "The Aviator", doing nothing, I was at home. At Randy's, with Thomas and Neil, playing pool, drinking a beer, watching "Anchorman", throwing off Randy and Thomas with a shoulder check, I was definitely at home. At the rec, waiting on campus police to open the building, working the girls for a solid 90 minutes without a break, waiting to see if the cheerleaders were going to impose, feeling unparalleled relief when they left, being surrounded by young women who all share at least one common bond...that was not just home, that has been my life for almost 10 years now. As I was leaving the rec to head to Dallas, I was reminded that it had indeed been two full years since I'd been on payroll at Southeastern. But on that Monday afternoon, two years felt more like I'd just come back from a long weekend. To make matters that much more comfortable (or uncomfortable, depending on how I feel at the time) it turns out that I've taught two of the four new girls before at camps or choreography clinics. All along, I'd felt like once Jamie was gone, Amanda might call once in a while, or not, but I would likely be washing my hands of this extracurricular activity after Jamie graduated. And now, come to find out, I do know the new guard, these girls do know me, and I have worked with them.

Adrianne called me last night and I told her some of the weekend's highlights. She commented on how unusual it is that my ties at Southeastern are still intact. Out of all the people who have gone through there, except for Tim, I am the only one still affiliated with anything at that school...and I live two states away. Adrianne and I couldn't help but wonder if this would continue much longer, or if it means that David and I will someday be back there. Who knows...only God. I suppose my continued involvement doesn't really have to represent anything to come. It could just mean there is a need and I am the one God chose for this purpose. Still, sometimes I just have to wonder. But, whether I am destined to remain a support for those who come through the color guard class at Southeastern, or if I really will be moving in a different direction, I will stand on faith that I am where God wants me.

There is so much more I want to write about the weekend. In good time, I suppose.

For now...

katy

You Know You're at Southeastern When... (or, "Don't Make Me Angry. You Wouldn't Like Me When I'm Angry".)

OH MY GOSH!!! I am so freaking excited, I can hardly stand it. Ok, so far we have Stef and Steph, Amy B., Jamie, and I'm not even sure who else. Mamy will be in Ardmore Saturday night, but I'll see her (and Junior) before I leave. I'M SO EXCITED!!

As excited as I am, I'm also fighting a melancholy heart, too. This will be the first time I've been down there since Lauren's been gone. Last night, Jamie told me this hysterical story about Randy and I laughed til I cried. Then, completely out of the blue, I really did start crying. I realized that the last time I'd laughed like that was with Lauren. Moreover, I haven't laughed like that at all since she's been gone. When Jamie told me the story, it was like a reminder that she really has been gone -- and so has my laughter. So, this weekend will be bittersweet. I can't wait to see the girls, but I'm not looking forward to enduring Durant without Lauren. Durant is where I know her; the school, the field, the rec. I just don't know what it will be like without her there, too.


(Drastic subject change...)
So, Jamie tells me that the cheerleaders practice in the rec the same time as the guard. And they practice their cheers every day, too. As a result, the guard can't hear Jamie's instruction and they can't even hear the music. (Gawh, this frustrates me SO MUCH! I can hardly even keep my thoughts straight long enough to write about the whole stupid thing.) So she goes to Mr. Christy to inform him there seems to be a bit of a problem. And you know what his response is?! "The cheerleaders have priority. It's their facility before it is the guard's." OK! AND?! How exactly is that supposed to problem solve in this particular situation? I don't think she was asking who has more "right" to the rec, nor was she determining whether or not they must share the facility. Talk about not addressing the issue. (Now, now, now, guys...Yawnt, yawnt, yawnt...)

OK, just to sum up, let's review:

1. The SOSU Color Guard has consistently been a top-performing section of the largest spirit organization on campus.

2. The SOSU Color Guard has consistently retained students for the university.

3. The SOSU Color Guard has maintained the same practice schedule for a number of years, without fail.

4. The SOSU Color Guard has never once (to my knowledge) received a single complaint about their treatment of any campus facility used for practice, i.e, Morrison, the gym, the choral room, or the rec.

Now, the issue in question has nothing to do with whether the cheerleaders should get the rec or the color guard. Everyone knows I am HUGELY in favor of supportive cooperation between ALL on-campus spirit organizations, especially those whose predominant membership is female. So, Jamie, being like-minded in the whole "let's work together" attitude, went to Charlie (head cheerleader, I'm guessing) and asked if there was any way they could practice their cheers a little bit softer so that (at least) the guard could hear the music. Jamie said that at the next practice, not only were the cheerleaders not any softer, but Charlie was yelling louder than everybody else!

Fine, obviously a compromise between the two organizations without outside help is simply out of the question. Fine. Moving on...

Point: The members of the SOSU color guard PAID MONEY to take this class. It is my opinion they are NOT able to receive quality instruction due to the conflict with practice facility scheduling. The university has a responsibility to the students in this class and should either, A. provide adequate practice facilities for all students, or B. DON'T OFFER THE CLASS! If the university and it's faculty/staff are not prepared to make the necessary arrangements to support the very students who support them, then get rid of the class. It is unacceptable to offer a class for which the supervising facutly knows there will be no chance of providing a rewarding educational experience. This is UNACCEPTABLE.

(And can I just mention that the color guard was still using the rec at the exact same scheduled time as always, even when SOSU was without a cheerleading squad! So, I'm not going to debate who has "official" priority in the rec, but, isn't it safe to say that they figuratively "lost their place in line"? Oh, and...Charlie has already made it abundantly clear to Jamie that as soon as the new gym is ready, the cheerleaders will be practicing in there. But, I'll need to stop right there with that one before I get myself on another tangent about respecting the work ethics and talents of ALL student athletes and performers.)

SOLUTION? GET THESE GIRLS A PLACE TO PRACTICE!! Would any other campus organizations be expected to co-habitate in one "classroom" at the same time? Would the football team and marching band be expected to practice on the same field at the same time? Would the French department and Spanish department be expected to share a language lab at the same time? Would this happen on a regular basis with any other student groups? NO! I'm not saying we deserve any better treatment than any other group on campus...But I certainly will say we DO NOT deserve any worse. These girls put in upwards of 25+ hours per week in practice and time committments. And while they are awarded a scholarship, it in NO WAY pays for itself, hours vs. scholarship dollars. They pay tuition and paid for this class. Take care of them!

I advised Jamie to go back to Mr. Christy and revise her statement. Make sure he understands the real issue and is given possible solutions that she thinks are reasonable. If he will not help, go to someone else who will: Dr. Miles, Liz McGraw, VP Barrish, Miss Camille, SOMEBODY! And if she manages to go through every possible contact and still can't get anywhere (which, of course, will not require any huge time committments on her part, or anything like that -- since she has all the time in the world to be screwing around with this), then walk. Yank the whole program, or at least remove yourself from the situation. Yes, I understand that is a drastic and unwanted outcome. However, if the circumstances do not improve, which would be worse? Quitting or living with the crap?

Ok...I've had my tangent for the day. I believe my feelings about this situation are now quite obvious. It's just really hard to listen to everything that's going on down there and be completely helpless through it all. I mean, would all of this be happening to the girls if there was a sponsor? That's hard to say one way or the other. But, at least a sponsor would be able to shoulder the situation, and (ideally) have more clout that a student...and it would relieve Jamie from having to add this to everything else that is going on -- during this, her senior year.

Anyway...I am really excited about this weekend. We are going to have such a great time. I'll be sure and post pictures as soon as I can.

I LOVE YOU GIRLS!!

katy : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : )

To Lauren, From Katy

Lauren,

Well, you have been gone now (from this world) for just over two months. I can't even believe it. I miss you so much but I am so constantly thankful for all the time we were given. So many things make sense that didn't before and it has just been so obvious that God was working toward a specific purpose.

So much has happened in just over two months. Isaiah is now in kindergarten and is loving it. He's such a big kid and is so much fun to watch. You can just tell when he feels important because he has grown up business to take care of now. Like when he tells me he needs to work on his pretend-homework or when he's all emphatic about getting together his item for show-and-tell. David was more freaked out about Isaiah starting kindergarten than Isaiah was. I literally spent more time soothing David's nerves than I did Isaiah's. He rides the bus to and from school every day (Isaiah, not David) and is making friends with some of the other kindergarteners who ride the bus, too. He's doing really well in soccer and is enjoying all the feelings of importance there, too. He's growing very tall and lean now. He looks older every day. My little boy is growing into a little man.

Lydia turned four and had her Tinkerbell birthday. We celebrated on Sunday the 18th instead of the 17th, which I'm pretty sure I told you we we were going to do. It was really pretty...everything pink and green. She's been slowly recovering from a terrible bought with stomach flu. We all had it. For 16 straight days, somebody in the house was sick. Lydia just had it worse than the rest of us, by far. She's lost a lot of weight, but she's getting better. So far, she hasn't been too bothered with Isaiah being gone all day. She gets undivided attention and is, of course, loving it. We run errands, and clean house, and paint fingers and toes, and all other things girly. She's also finally starting to show some interest in basic academics, not just Polly Pockets and hair doo-dads. She also still asks when we will be going back to the "twirling lesson" with all the other girls and even practices her twirling pretty regularly. We'll see where that goes. I'd kinda hoped to hand her off to you for lessons, seeing as you were going to be up here for law school anyway. But like I said, we'll just have to see where that goes.

David went to Europe with the UMKC Big Band. They were gone for 12 days and he played in Paris, Montreux, and Amsterdam. In Paris, he called me before they played to tell me the venue was the mall right in front of the Eiffel Tower. Oh, and their bus dropped them off just in front of the Louis Vuitton store, too. No, he didn't buy me a bag. While in Switzerland, the hotel they stayed in was located on the Evian aquifer...so they were all bathing in Evian. He came back with great-looking skin and hair and said we were moving to Switzerland, but we all needed to learn French and German first. We immediately began trying to find ways to learn foreign languages quickly. (Vite! Vite!) He came back with so many great stories...too many to tell in one sitting. Just remind me to tell you all about it a little later. He's back in school now, too. He's gigging pretty regularly and even has a gig in Phoenix coming up. Today UMKC, tomorrow the Grammys. More realistically, we're just hoping for a solid GPA. Oh!, and he has a mohawk now too. Right after he got it, we were talking about what friends and family reactions might be. I couldn't help but think of you and how much you would have loved it. In my mind, I could just imagine some of the things you would have said. I know you would have been, by far, the most enthusiastic supporter of the new cut. ...Basking in the glorious "go your own way" moves of your fellow youngest-child. By the by, when I get frustrated, he still refers to me and says, "the grown ups are getting angry." So, I just want to thank you for that little comment. It still gets plenty of use.

Jamie's back in school now. She's doing ok. She has good days and bad, just like the rest of us. I'm going down there this weekend to help write the feature. I knew you would want me to and I'm very excited about getting to help. She said your muddy handprint is still on the back of the University Center sign...we're trying to figure out some way to preserve it. (David suggested we just steal the sign. I told him it was pretty big. He just looked at me...and said, "It's just a sign. Look like you know what you are doing and no one will care." I've yet to share that little bit of info with Jamie. Maybe while I'm there, we can see how far we get with David's advice. If nothing else, it will make for an exciting project. *wink*) Jamie wants to run for homecoming queen. I think that would be great for her this semester. She doesn't need anything else on her plate, but this would be fun -- and she needs that. She and Randy are still planning on getting married next year. But they are taking things slowly, like you advised.

Your sister, Geri, is at it again. (Yeah, I called her your sister!) One of the new girls on guard worked under Geri at Antlers. She reported that Geri threatened to charge each girl on the SOSU guard $50 for every move of hers she sees on the field. Can you believe that?! And after she's been pawning off two- and three-year old material of mine and teaching it to Antlers -- and getting paid for it! Maybe I should make good on her threat and retrieve $50 from her for everything she taught them that was originally ours. I'd likely pay off a student loan from it all. Besides that, as if we would ever use any of her material for anything. I found the whole thing hugely laughable...But isn't it good to know some things just never change?

Mr. Crispy, uh, Christy is still engaged to Candi. There's no date set and he says they will have a long engagement. I think he's secretly hoping Jesus will return before he has to marry her. Wouldn't that really be in the best interest of everyone involved? I mean, really? He did speak at your funeral and did a very nice job. He even read an excerpt from your blog that I'd given him just a little while before he spoke. It was the part about how I'd told you time was of the essence and you prayed your time was well spent. It was all very well done. There was a reserved seating section for twirlers. Pepper was there and so were Sawyer and Dawn. And eight of us girls were there: Jamie, Mamy, Amy B., Stef and Steph, Manda, Lindsay, and me. We were all honorary pall bearers, too. In your honor (and with your mom's permission) we all went barefoot...we figured you'd appreciate us all walking around in church without shoes.

I talked to Sarah yesterday. It's been a few weeks since we'd had a chance to visit. She was driving and decided (of course) to call me. (I love that driving time means "call Katy" for my mom, Adrianne, Amy, Stefanie, Jamie, Sawyer, you...and now Sarah.) She was on her way to Whiteface. Two-a-days are underway and she's getting back into the swing of everything. She hasn't talked to Eric in a while, but said he's doing ok too...as far as she can tell. We talked about me going to Durant this weekend. I told her how I was hesitant to even offer my help to Jamie because I didn't want it to seem insincere. Then she used an example almost identical to the one I had used several posts ago -- about somebody extending an invitation without really meaning it. I couldn't believe how similar her analogy was to mine, but then you always said she and I were so much alike. The more time I spend talking to her, the more I see it too. It always makes me smile.

I call your mom pretty regularly, or at least I try. It seems like she and I have the same tendencies for conversation that you and I had. I don't think we've had a phone call yet that was under 90 minutes. I love getting to talk to her, I love hearing her tell stories. Sometimes they are about you, or the family, or just about anything we might think up. I always try to give updates on everything up here. I don't want our conversations to only be about how much we miss you...even though that's usually a predominant topic.

And me? Well, I blog...pretty often, too. I still read your blog all the time. So much of it is just hysterical, I only wish I'd found it earlier. Other than that, things are going ok, I guess. I'm hoping to start teaching twirling lessons in Kearney, if I can ever get it all together. With Isaiah in soccer, David's gigs, and -- Oh!, I am now in PTA! I can't get over it. Anyway, with everyone else's schedules to worry about, I'm hesitant to add anything to our plates. I don't want to get back into the whole "I-only-have-15-unscheduled-minutes" thing. I'll be proceeding with caution and chanting my new mantra, "God is bigger", every step of the way.

Mostly, I still just can't understand how you could be gone. It took me over a month before I stopped impulse-calling you. I mean, life is still moving -- it always has, and always will -- but, this has definitely been a challenge. It's truly hard to believe how fast things move, especially when all you want is for everything to stand still for just a little while. The good news is I know you are at total peace, and that helps. And I know we will be seeing you again soon...even if it's 90 years from now, in the grand scheme of things, that's just not all that long.

I should probably go now. Chris comes in this weekend and so do Kathy and Ernie -- and I leave!...to go to Durant, that is. Needless to say, there's quite a bit of prep work left to do and I don't know that I'm getting any of it done while I write to you. In fact, I'm quite sure it will all still be waiting for me, unfortunately.

I miss you and can't wait to see you again.

I love you, Lauren,

katy

I've Been Cropped!

Amy, this is for you.

As many of you may or may not know, the picture I used for my profile was not originally of just Lauren and me. Several attempts were made to crop the original picture to show just the faces of all three of us, Amy (Mamy), me, and Lauren. However, because of the pixels and whatnot, when I posted the picture we all three looked like we were missing some teeth as well as any number of other unattractive conditions. So I cropped, and re-cropped, and tried some more. Finally, after I lost Amy and all but just the faces of Lauren and me, a picture that somewhat resembled us was posted.

So, I talked to Amy tonight and sheepishly asked if she'd seen the new profile pic. She said, "Yeah. And my first reaction was 'I've been cropped!'" But, she forgave me and said she understood why I would crop the picture so that it only showed Lauren and me...you know, it's a blog of Lauren and it made sense to her that she wouldn't be in the picture anymore, etc., etc. I assured her the first several attempts absloutely included her in the picture. After explaining there was too much detailing in the photo and there was no way to get it to display accurately, she said she'd had a similar experience on a similar project, so she understood.

But now, for all to see...THE ORIGINAL

(Unfortunately, due to technological limitations

-- and vanity --

I chose to post a much-cropped version of this beautiful photograph.)

(Man...We looked good!)

I love you, Amy.

--katy

New Look, Same Great Taste

Yes. I changed the title of the blog.

No. That does not mean my content will change.

"Remembering Lauren" is exactly what I want to do. But, for some reason, I feel my initial title may be in need of retirement.

Lemme splain...

"Remembering Lauren" -- well, yeah -- I could never forget her. I don't need a blog with that title to ensure I will always remember her. And, it just seems too angst-ridden, or even cliche', now. No matter the mood of my post -- whether laughter through tears, thoughtful, sad, angry, melancholy, bittersweet, or whatever -- that title is not uplifting. I want my blogspace to be a place to write my mind without reservation. But, I also want it to be a place of contemplation, support, peace, and at times, even joy, for anyone else who happens across it. I feel the new title still allows me to honor her and the wonderful memories I have of her. Moreover, it invokes thoughts of much happier times for me.

If you hate it, let me know. But, I just can't imagine that Lauren would be pleased with a blog in her memory bearing the original title. Somehow, it just doesn't feel quite right anymore. But like I said, if you hate it, or if its too hard or too sad to see it change, let me know.

Much love from KC,

katy

P.S. If you have a suggestion for a title (not that I'm gonna hold a contest or anything) I'd love hearing it. I haven't fully committed to "By the by...". I think I really like it and it reminds me of Lauren, but there may still be a better title out there.

Soon and Very Soon...

This afternoon, I talked to my mom on the phone and mentioned that today marked two-months since Lauren's passing. She was only vaguely aware of today's date, and was quiet for a moment.

"Two months...," she said.

"Yeah."

Then, surprised, she asked, "Lauren died on Lydia's birthday?"

--Everything was so hectic that weekend. My parents were staying with us and so were David's parents. We had three different celebrations planned for Sunday, the 18th; Lydia's fourth birthday (one day late so as to accommodate all of the traveling grandparents), Father's Day for David, Ernie and Allen, and Kathy's birthday (David's mom, whose birthday was technically the 19th, but everyone would be busy.)--

"Yeah," I said. "On Lydia's birthday."

"Well," she said in a cheerful, matter-of-fact way, "She went to be with God on a very special day."

I teared up instantly. I'd never thought about it in such a way. As much as it hurt, it was also comforting. She was right. What a glorious day for Lauren. Now, she and Lydia share a birthday of sorts. We celebrate Lydia's day of birth into this world and we can rejoice knowing that day was the beginning of eternity in God's presence for Lauren...the day her perfect form was born.

I talked to Sheila at length tonight. She told me she had spoken to a woman who lost her 20-year-old daughter 10 years ago. Sheila said she didn't like the idea of living without Lauren for the next 10 years -- or more. A few months after my dad died, I was visiting with my friend Kendra who assured me the pain I felt from my father's death would get easier as time went on. This made no sense to me. I thought, "He has been gone only three months and I can hardly stand it -- Why would that feeling lessen the longer it went on?" I knew the truth in what she said would probably find it's way to me eventually, but I wasn't convinced at the time. My father has now been gone three years, August 8th, and the pain is not nearly what it was at the time of my conversation with Kendra. She was right, so it seems. But here I am again, thinking the very same thing...I miss Lauren with such intensity -- How will the passage of time do anything but exacerbate the heartache we all feel?

I do not grieve for her so desperately every day. I miss her desperately every day, but I know grief is for the survivors. Lauren does not need our grief, nor does she wish it upon us. In these times, I try to focus on a few very simple ideas; We will see her again, very soon...She wasted no time, neither should I...And, enjoy my chldren, enjoy my family, enjoy my life while I am able.

I will see Jamie in eight days. I so look forward to this time toghether. It will be the first time I've seen her, or any of the girls, since June...too long. Medieval Times is still up in the air, but that really doesn't matter. I will be in the company of my very closest friends -- I can think of no better way to spend the time we have been given.

Soon and very soon...

katy

Demented and Sad, but Social

As I am decidedly not ready to write about "Monday Afternoon, June 19, 2006", I will instead choose to humiliate myself -- and my dearest friends -- and submit compelling photographic evidence to support claims that we are indeed insane. I only hope my dearest friends remain such after the hideous, and incriminating, display that is to follow.

May I present, for your viewing pleasure:

The SOSU Color Guard and Feature Twirler

(Enjoy!)

~Exhibit: A~

**Allow me to introduce your

2006 SOSU Color Guard**

(Aren't they beautiful, ladies and gentlemen?!)

~Exhibit: 2~

**Warped, Yet Fun**

(In case you were wondering...
Yes, Lindsay's tongue is touching Stefanie's face.
Can't you just feel the love?)



~And Another Thing...~

**Awhhh**

Andy and Me

2004 Band Banquet

**Andy's Wedding

8/06**

Here are Stefanie AF., Mamy, Andy, and Amy B.

She just got married at the Botanical Gardens in Dallas.


The girls said it was beautiful. Her color was pink.

~But wait, there's more!~

**Ah - Ha**

(I can hear her laughing.)

Lauren had the most amazing laugh...
Full of life, without restraint, resonant.
I loved her laugh. We all did.

Monday morning, June 19, 2006

I flew to Dallas in the very early-morning hours that day. Tim (Stefanie’s husband and my “little brother”) graciously agreed to pick me up from the airport. Having just come from an hour and a half flight with little more to do than think about the purpose of my trip, I was, needless to say, blue when he came to get me. Once in the car, he immediately began playing marching band arrangements of Malaguena, Echano, and the like, and discussed the “show” potential of each with me. After just a little while in the car, I grinned, thanked him, and told him he really knew how to cheer a girl up. We shuttled around Dallas for a while, running necessary errands. One of which was FedEx-ing Stefanie, who was in Minneapolis on business, her suitcase that had been left behind. Why was her suitcase left behind? Because she’d arrived at the airport too late to check baggage. She was forced to board deficient of everything she’d packed for the week-long trip. It was now Tim’s job to get it to her, and my job to supervise. (I received my very own phone call from Stef pleading with me to make sure Tim did it right.) I assured her it would all be done correctly and she would have her change of clothes as quickly – and frugally – as possible. From there, having had no breakfast and with noon rapidly approaching, I cajoled Tim out of Hooter’s and into Mexican food for lunch. (Already a Mexican food fiend, I find it necessary to indulge when in the Dallas area, as KC has nary a decent Mexican restaurant to my knowledge.)

Once seated, Tim said he would call Stefanie and let her know the luggage was on its way…but that’s not exactly what he did. The voicemail he left her went something like this: “Just wanted to let you know that overnighting your suitcase was going to be, like, $350. So, we just sent it ground and it should be there by Thursday. Katy said that was the best way to go, so that’s what we did. Love you, bye.” (This was all, of course, untrue. Overnight delivery was indeed ridiculously expensive. She could have purchased replacements for everything in the suitcase with the funds required to send it. Instead, we chose two-day air, which would arrive Tuesday evening...still inconvenient, but much better than the ruse Tim had concocted. Keep in mind, Stefanie was to return home on Friday. So, her bags arriving Thursday would virtually do her no good at all.) I chided him for leaving his new wife such a false and malicious message…and at a time like this! How could he do that to her? And all the while, still smiling?! She was going to freak! So I did what any decent and loving friend in my position would do…I went along with it. I knew if she received a similar phone call from me, she would have no choice but to believe what we said was true. Containing my laughter and composing myself, I called. “Hey, sending your bag next-day air was way too expensive so we just sent it ground. They said it would be there no later than Thursday at 5p.m. It could get there earlier. So, keep your fingers crossed and hopefully you’ll have clean panties before you leave Minneapolis! Love you, bye!” Almost before I could close my phone I laughed freely, knowing Lauren would have approved whole-heartedly. ...My spirit lifted.

After an outstanding meal and the hilarity of a well-executed prank at the expense of one of my closest friends, we were on our way to Van Alstyne, to Jamie's house. ...My mood faded as the tasks that lay ahead of me, and the very purpose for my early arrival, seeped back into my consciousness. I began working to keep the anxiety at bay, but it was rapidly gaining ground...

Stefanie and Me

SOSU Band Banquet, 2004

See?! We really do love each other!

Permission Granted

Wow, it's been forever since I've been able to sit and write here. Went to Burkburnett, TX for flag camp and that went much better than I had expected. Spent some time plugging David, too. Hopefully that will turn into another "Featured Guest Artist" spot sometime in the near future, especially since the new head band director also just happens to be the Texas Jazz Band Director's Association president. Not too shabby. And the new assistant director reminded me so much of Mark P. it was uncomfortable. He plays percussion, not brass. But, his mannerisms were similar, they looked similar, and he would give you a hard time all the time -- even though he really did like you...or even if he really didn't like you -- just like Mark. I told him he reminded me of a friend and he just laughed. He said about five or six of his students remind him of friends of his, only younger. He has difficulty not calling them by his friends' names. I, however, had no trouble at all not calling him Mark.

So, the weekend date has been set -- August 26th and 27th. I am to head to Durant for a very brief engagement during which time the feature will be written (and maybe even taught -- but that is yet to be determined), and we will be celebrating the birthdays of Stefanie, Amy B., and myself. Now Amy B.'s birthday is actually the Saturday that I come in, Stefanie's is Sunday, and mine isn't until the 13th of September. But we're all Virgos and I'm very much in favor of celebrating birthday month...in true Lauren form. And just to clarify, birthday month does not mean one celebrates the entire month of the birthday (i.e. September, for me). It means that the birthday can be celebrated for at least 31 days prior to the big day as well as up to 31 days after the big day; hence, a month of birthday in either direction. What with everyone's schedule so crazy these days, it's imperative to celebrate when you can. Just check out San Antonio or New Orleans. Those people truly understand that you shouldn't have to rely on a set time or place to determine whether or not you have sufficient reason to party. They have found that just breathing, at times, should be ample incentive to party while you can. And by "party while you can", I simply mean that you are not currently already passed out...so, bottoms up!

The only potential hazard for this weekend was David's oldest sister, Lisa. She, too, is celebrating a birthday that very weekend -- the big 5-0. The family is planning a highly-involved shindig for which everyone will be present. I was concerned that David would like me to be a part of this as well -- and I would like to be, but I also want to get back to see Jamie and the girls and write that routine. But, as my gracious and loving hubby would have it, my presence is not required! Wa-hoo! I'm off to the big city of Du-rant. At least I'll be making a minor pitstop or two (to be read as: hardcore fun with my girlies!) in Dallas. My birthday wish? Every last one of us getting totally cuted up and having an incriminatingly good Saturday night starting with Medieval Times...and ending with...??? (Did someone say "tattoos"?) So why Medieval Times? Well, I think most significantly, because it was an alternate birthday plan of Lauren's. She and I actually came up with the idea on our way to Sam Moon. We passed by one and I mentioned that I'd never been. We talked about how much fun that would be with a big group of us and we decided it would be great for a 21st-birthday-girl such as herself. It would require just enough planning and orchestration for Jamie to feel like she had done a good job organizing the whole thing, but without being such a huge mess that all the fun would be lost in the enormous hassle of it all (one word: Tanglewood). Besides all of that, I can think of no better way to honor her during my birthday month -- and imagine her with us -- than to celebrate my birthday there and just know that somehow she really is still a part of it all. I believe each of us carries a part of her with us. So when we are all together, she is alive in a whole new way because we put all of the parts together to form one beautiful picture for everyone to share...something we would be unable to do on our own. Just as God explains that when two or more are gathered together, He is present. I think it must be something like that. She is a part of me, and when I am with even one more person, she takes on a whole new life of her own. Maybe that is similar to the way God works, too...maybe that is how He intended it to work for our loved ones who have passed.

It's been almost two weeks now since I've talked to either Sarah or Sheila. I think I'll call them tomorrow. I miss them both so much. Lately, it seems I preoccupy myself with the autopsy results...or, should I say, the lack thereof. I know that some random stack of doctor-generated reports will do nothing to bring her back...I just want to know. How is it possible that a seemingly-healthy 20 year old woman can die while watching T.V. with her roommate on a Friday night? For me, that requires some explanation.

I just got a camera developed that had pictures on it from more than two years ago. I go through spells where I keep those cameras up to date and other times where I go...well, over two years without getting them developed. There were pictures of Isaiah's 3rd birthday party and Lauren was in a couple of them. I had no idea what was even going to be on those pictures. How startling it was to see her in them. Now, Isaiah is five and starts kindergarten on the 16th. ...Time is unrelenting. It won't wait for you to catch your breath before moving on. It doesn't care whether you are ready or not. ...Sometimes, I am not ready.

I pray all goes well for the planned weekend. I am already giddy with excitement.

Can't wait to be back in Durant! (What?! I never thought I'd say that.)
Love you all!

katy

Everyone here should look familiar. We have (middle pic, clockwise from left) Stefanie A.F., Stephanie F., Amy B., David, Isaiah, Erin, and Lauren. ...So long ago...