Permission Granted

Wow, it's been forever since I've been able to sit and write here. Went to Burkburnett, TX for flag camp and that went much better than I had expected. Spent some time plugging David, too. Hopefully that will turn into another "Featured Guest Artist" spot sometime in the near future, especially since the new head band director also just happens to be the Texas Jazz Band Director's Association president. Not too shabby. And the new assistant director reminded me so much of Mark P. it was uncomfortable. He plays percussion, not brass. But, his mannerisms were similar, they looked similar, and he would give you a hard time all the time -- even though he really did like you...or even if he really didn't like you -- just like Mark. I told him he reminded me of a friend and he just laughed. He said about five or six of his students remind him of friends of his, only younger. He has difficulty not calling them by his friends' names. I, however, had no trouble at all not calling him Mark.

So, the weekend date has been set -- August 26th and 27th. I am to head to Durant for a very brief engagement during which time the feature will be written (and maybe even taught -- but that is yet to be determined), and we will be celebrating the birthdays of Stefanie, Amy B., and myself. Now Amy B.'s birthday is actually the Saturday that I come in, Stefanie's is Sunday, and mine isn't until the 13th of September. But we're all Virgos and I'm very much in favor of celebrating birthday month...in true Lauren form. And just to clarify, birthday month does not mean one celebrates the entire month of the birthday (i.e. September, for me). It means that the birthday can be celebrated for at least 31 days prior to the big day as well as up to 31 days after the big day; hence, a month of birthday in either direction. What with everyone's schedule so crazy these days, it's imperative to celebrate when you can. Just check out San Antonio or New Orleans. Those people truly understand that you shouldn't have to rely on a set time or place to determine whether or not you have sufficient reason to party. They have found that just breathing, at times, should be ample incentive to party while you can. And by "party while you can", I simply mean that you are not currently already passed out...so, bottoms up!

The only potential hazard for this weekend was David's oldest sister, Lisa. She, too, is celebrating a birthday that very weekend -- the big 5-0. The family is planning a highly-involved shindig for which everyone will be present. I was concerned that David would like me to be a part of this as well -- and I would like to be, but I also want to get back to see Jamie and the girls and write that routine. But, as my gracious and loving hubby would have it, my presence is not required! Wa-hoo! I'm off to the big city of Du-rant. At least I'll be making a minor pitstop or two (to be read as: hardcore fun with my girlies!) in Dallas. My birthday wish? Every last one of us getting totally cuted up and having an incriminatingly good Saturday night starting with Medieval Times...and ending with...??? (Did someone say "tattoos"?) So why Medieval Times? Well, I think most significantly, because it was an alternate birthday plan of Lauren's. She and I actually came up with the idea on our way to Sam Moon. We passed by one and I mentioned that I'd never been. We talked about how much fun that would be with a big group of us and we decided it would be great for a 21st-birthday-girl such as herself. It would require just enough planning and orchestration for Jamie to feel like she had done a good job organizing the whole thing, but without being such a huge mess that all the fun would be lost in the enormous hassle of it all (one word: Tanglewood). Besides all of that, I can think of no better way to honor her during my birthday month -- and imagine her with us -- than to celebrate my birthday there and just know that somehow she really is still a part of it all. I believe each of us carries a part of her with us. So when we are all together, she is alive in a whole new way because we put all of the parts together to form one beautiful picture for everyone to share...something we would be unable to do on our own. Just as God explains that when two or more are gathered together, He is present. I think it must be something like that. She is a part of me, and when I am with even one more person, she takes on a whole new life of her own. Maybe that is similar to the way God works, too...maybe that is how He intended it to work for our loved ones who have passed.

It's been almost two weeks now since I've talked to either Sarah or Sheila. I think I'll call them tomorrow. I miss them both so much. Lately, it seems I preoccupy myself with the autopsy results...or, should I say, the lack thereof. I know that some random stack of doctor-generated reports will do nothing to bring her back...I just want to know. How is it possible that a seemingly-healthy 20 year old woman can die while watching T.V. with her roommate on a Friday night? For me, that requires some explanation.

I just got a camera developed that had pictures on it from more than two years ago. I go through spells where I keep those cameras up to date and other times where I go...well, over two years without getting them developed. There were pictures of Isaiah's 3rd birthday party and Lauren was in a couple of them. I had no idea what was even going to be on those pictures. How startling it was to see her in them. Now, Isaiah is five and starts kindergarten on the 16th. ...Time is unrelenting. It won't wait for you to catch your breath before moving on. It doesn't care whether you are ready or not. ...Sometimes, I am not ready.

I pray all goes well for the planned weekend. I am already giddy with excitement.

Can't wait to be back in Durant! (What?! I never thought I'd say that.)
Love you all!

katy

Everyone here should look familiar. We have (middle pic, clockwise from left) Stefanie A.F., Stephanie F., Amy B., David, Isaiah, Erin, and Lauren. ...So long ago...