Soon and Very Soon...

This afternoon, I talked to my mom on the phone and mentioned that today marked two-months since Lauren's passing. She was only vaguely aware of today's date, and was quiet for a moment.

"Two months...," she said.

"Yeah."

Then, surprised, she asked, "Lauren died on Lydia's birthday?"

--Everything was so hectic that weekend. My parents were staying with us and so were David's parents. We had three different celebrations planned for Sunday, the 18th; Lydia's fourth birthday (one day late so as to accommodate all of the traveling grandparents), Father's Day for David, Ernie and Allen, and Kathy's birthday (David's mom, whose birthday was technically the 19th, but everyone would be busy.)--

"Yeah," I said. "On Lydia's birthday."

"Well," she said in a cheerful, matter-of-fact way, "She went to be with God on a very special day."

I teared up instantly. I'd never thought about it in such a way. As much as it hurt, it was also comforting. She was right. What a glorious day for Lauren. Now, she and Lydia share a birthday of sorts. We celebrate Lydia's day of birth into this world and we can rejoice knowing that day was the beginning of eternity in God's presence for Lauren...the day her perfect form was born.

I talked to Sheila at length tonight. She told me she had spoken to a woman who lost her 20-year-old daughter 10 years ago. Sheila said she didn't like the idea of living without Lauren for the next 10 years -- or more. A few months after my dad died, I was visiting with my friend Kendra who assured me the pain I felt from my father's death would get easier as time went on. This made no sense to me. I thought, "He has been gone only three months and I can hardly stand it -- Why would that feeling lessen the longer it went on?" I knew the truth in what she said would probably find it's way to me eventually, but I wasn't convinced at the time. My father has now been gone three years, August 8th, and the pain is not nearly what it was at the time of my conversation with Kendra. She was right, so it seems. But here I am again, thinking the very same thing...I miss Lauren with such intensity -- How will the passage of time do anything but exacerbate the heartache we all feel?

I do not grieve for her so desperately every day. I miss her desperately every day, but I know grief is for the survivors. Lauren does not need our grief, nor does she wish it upon us. In these times, I try to focus on a few very simple ideas; We will see her again, very soon...She wasted no time, neither should I...And, enjoy my chldren, enjoy my family, enjoy my life while I am able.

I will see Jamie in eight days. I so look forward to this time toghether. It will be the first time I've seen her, or any of the girls, since June...too long. Medieval Times is still up in the air, but that really doesn't matter. I will be in the company of my very closest friends -- I can think of no better way to spend the time we have been given.

Soon and very soon...

katy