Dream Journaling

Last night, or this morning, I had a dream that I was graduationg -- or something celebratory where I was the center of attention, but mostly like a graduation of some kind. It was very strange. There were lots of people there and more who were on their way. Jamie was there and her whole family had come with her. And Lauren was there and I was so happy to see her. In the dream, I don't think I knew she was gone but I did know that I hadn't seen her in a very long time and that it was something extremely special for her to be there -- I knew getting to see her was a big deal. Adrianne was there and I cried when I saw her, it's been such a long time since we've been able to spend any real time together. Two girls I knew from high school were there, Michelle and Amy. I haven't seen either of them since high school nor have they really crossed my mind, but all the same, I couldn't believe they had come all that way just on my account and I was very appreciative. One of my childhood girlfriends was there, Shanna. Again, it's been years, probably close to 20 years or more since I've seen her. But still, I was flattered and grateful that she had come to share in this occasion with me. My mom and dad (my dad, not Allan) were there, I think. It's hard to remember but I'm pretty sure they were. My cousin Michael was on his was, but he hadn't gotten there yet. There were other friends and family who had said they would be there, but called in the middle of the festivites to say it was taking too long, or something about the trip being too difficult or whatnot, but they apologized and said they wouldn't be able to make it and were turing around to head back home. Stefanie A.F. couldn't be there at the time, but she had made a promise to celebrate with me the next day...which was great with me...that way the party in my honor gets to last just that much longer!

I was also aware that I had a hard time remembering the mascot of the school where I was graduating (?) and everyone else knew the name of it, but I couldn't. And the school was out in west Texas, too. I knew we were close to Lubbock and figured that that was why some of my old high schoold buddies and childhood friends were able to come -- since they were probably still out there in that area.

Very strange...all of it.

When I went to sleep last night, I was so tense. I even talked to David about it, telling him that I felt like I was struggling within myself, still searching and fighting -- but over what, I didn't know. Money? Probably. Living arrangements? I'm sure that played into it. But there wasn't anything I could necessarily put my finger on.....just, not at peace.

I think Sawyer called to congratulate me because she couldn't be there.....I think. That part's a little hazy. Afterwards, we all went to some teeny little Mexican restaurant and ate. They lined up almost all of their tables and we got some of the booths too. The front door was a glass convenience store door and the chairs were the kind with metal legs and marroon cushions on the seat and the back, I'm sure you know exactly the kind I mean. But we were all there, Lauren, Jamie, Adrianne (and she had really short hair, too, and it was super cute), Mamy (? was she there? It seems like she was, but I'm not certain...I think I knew that I wanted her there....maybe that was it?) My parents, Jamie's whole family, Michelle, Amy, and Shanna, my cousin Michael was on his way and my aunt and uncle called to congratulate me and tell me when Michael should be getting there......Stef said she'd party with me the next night.....am I forgetting anyone? It seems like I am. One way or the other, there were a ton of people there on my behalf. Of course I was so happy to see everyone, I was totally crying the whole time. Each time I saw someone for the first time, I would start crying all over again.

Good Mexican food, old friends, current friends, and a party just for me....I think that counts as a pretty good dream. I have no idea what it means or why I had it. Maybe it has something to do with my upcoming birthday -- or maybe not. Maybe it was just what I needed to help put my spirit at ease. I know I need to see my girls again. When I think about how much I miss everyone, it physically pains me. God, I really need to see them soon. And not just in my dreams.


As always, there's tons more I'd like to write, but The Boy is up and I imagine Girl will be soon. Duty calls.

I'll write soon.....


Much Love!