For You I Will...

The following is a blog post from my dear friend Jamie. This has been republished with her permission.

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Things have been changing so fast lately!! I've had to make some difficult choices. Choices that, to me, are life changing. I look back on this semester so far and am saddened by the fact that I haven't been taking full advantage of it. I made a promise to myself that I was going to live this semester in memory of Lauren. I was going to do what I wanted when I wanted to do it. I was going to be spontaneous, carefree, and adventurous. But, I have done none of that...

Well, those months are over now. Hard times have past and I had been too wrapped up in worrying about someone else. I don't have to worry about that person anymore and now it's time to concentrate on myself and keeping my promise. I miss Lauren so much now...more than usual. But I find myself smiling more and laughing more. I'm beginning to live this semester how I would have if she were still here. I don't have her to kick the magnolia seeds down the sidewalk with me...but I do it anyway. I don't have her to sing stupid songs in the car with me...but I do it anyway. I think of her each day and feel her with me. I still cry every now and then. But more often, when I think of her I smile.

Last spring break, Lauren flew by herself for the first time to go to Kansas City to see Katy. I admired her bravery and spontaneity. I wanted to live how she lived. I wanted to surprise someone by booking a flight for a visit. I wanted to travel by myself and make decisions without worrying.

This Sunday I booked my ticket to go visit Katy for fall break. It will be my first time doing something on my own and traveling on my own and I am so excited. Lauren served her purpose on this earth and she touched so many lives. I have learned so much from her...

Because of Lauren...

I will go barefoot more often...

I will be more spontaneous...

I will laugh harder and louder...

I won't be ashamed of who I am...

I will appreciate the small things in life...

I will continue to love others with all my heart, even if they don't love me with all of theirs...

I will never leave anyone feeling neglected...

I will always say I love you when I feel it because you never know when it will be your last time to see them (we always said "I love you" before hanging up)...

I will look back on the past and smile...

I will look at the present and smile...

...I will look toward the future and smile.


I love and miss you...

I feel you here, everyday.