Superheroes, anyone?

Captain Reactionary and Mr. Interjection have struck again. “Who?” you ask. Why, the well-meaning superheroes who leave only chaos and havoc in their wake. (The roles of both Captain Reactionary and Mr. Interjection will be played by my roommate, Chris. Talented? Yes. Capable? Definitely. Worthless? Oh, yeah.) Let it be known that he is also quite skilled in portraying The Linguist, who appears when the words you choose just aren’t exact enough. Observe, if you will, as I now provide this demonstration. The following is a typical scene in which The Linguist graciously comes to the rescue.

Children, I urge you, do not try this at home. Caution to the faint of heart. Those with weak constitutions may need to look away as this is an actual conversation:

Me: So, you worked there for almost a year.
Chris: No, it wasn’t a year.
Me: I know. I said you were there almost a year.
The Linguist, enters, stern: It wasn’t a year. It was more like nine months…but it wasn’t a year.
Me, bemused: Ok. But, nine months is close to a year, right?
The Linguist exits, Chris, re-enters, reluctant: Yeah, I guess.

(Scene)


Tune in next time for more adventures with Captain Reactionary, Mr. Interjection, and The Linguist!!

(And you know what he comes back with? Yeah, get this, now I'm "Queen Sarcasm". "Queen Sarcasm"?! ...Huh, I so deserve better.)

*****

Of course, all of this is done tongue-in-cheek. Chris was actually looking over my shoulder as I wrote the entire script part of this post. He thought he should remind me that sarcasm is the lowest form of humor. I looked at him blankly and said, "But, I'm not laughing."

Better still, as he was watching me type it out, he says indignantly, "I did not say that!"

"What did you not say?!" I challenged back.

And he replies (get ready for this one), "The last part. The last line. I didn't say that!"

I stopped and stared at him with as much you've-got-to-be-kidding-me as I could muster. "You didn't say, 'Yeah, I guess.'? Was it, 'I guess so, yeah.' that you said?"

"No." he said. "I don't know. But I know I didn't say that."

...Then the reality settles over me. The Linguist is still in my midst.

In his defense, Chris is an excellent roommate...for anyone but me. He and my husband do not bicker. He gets along splendidly with my children and cares for them very much. He and I just...well, let's just say, we have our moments. My family would not be able to live in the manner in which we do if it were not for his generosity and willingness to live as a single, 28 year old male co-habitating with a family of four. We are in his debt. ...but that doesn't mean I have to get along with him.

It may seem odd that I chose to put this particular exchange between the two of us on my Lauren page. But it was Lauren's long-suffering attempts to help me survive my current living arrangement that truly saved my mental health -- and probably Chris' life, too. Not only was she there for me when I needed to vent, but she even spent one entire evening of spring break mediating a heated discussion between Chris and me, trying desperately to help us find some much-needed middle ground. To elaborate on the details of why the Chris-Katy relationship suffers periodic breakdowns would require continuous writing on my part from now until Isaiah graduates from college...so I will refrain. But rest assured, I am working -- we are working toward establishing a pleasing and peaceful living arrangement for all in this household. And the majority of the time, everything is just fine, largely due to Lauren's intervention.

To this day, I still thank her. I always will...I'm sure of it.